In this version, I (very) roughly lay out an idea that illustrates the dizziness I feel on the bus. The sentences bleed together to create a confusing, nearly unintelligible vocal mess—or, at least, that's how it will sound in the final draft. I wish to remove the vocal effects when I describe vomiting in the snow, as I think it will portray how relieving it is to feel fresh air.
I intend to record the narrative again, as I'm dissatisfied with the vocal delivery. I would retain much, if not all, of the story, but my initial reading was surely a rough one. The bus recording also leaves something to be desired. Who knows? I may end up recording everything again. This is why drafts exist. ;)
I'm also going to record a bit of the outdoor environment at the bus stops, so that each location has a presence.
Anyway, thanks for your comments, everyone! The best is yet to come.
